Carbarific!

I, like most Jews, love bagels. But they're ridiculously unhealthy, with something like 300 calories. So when I was in the grocery store the other day and saw 140 calorie bagels, I had to buy them. "How did they make them so healthy?" I wondered to myself "It must be through the wonders of science!"

Yeah...not so much. Here's how they did it:

It's tiny. Very, very tiny. Here it is compared to a container of cream cheese. If I include a tomato in my sandwich, I have to put one slice right on top of the other because otherwise it doesn't fit.

It's basically the size of an acorn. Don't believe me?

Which is fine and I've been happily packing my lunch everyday with it, to the amusement of my co-workers. But those people at Dempsters are marketing geniuses. They sell half the product for double the cost!