Have to haul ass back from Nepal (because I'm on the communist hit list)

Frigging Commies! They’ve screwed me over again! I swear it’s a conspiracy. First, it was when they made it impossible for me to get a visa to China, making me completely re-arrange my plans and cancel the Russia/Far East part of my trip. Then, when I was in a grocery store that used to be in East Berlin, I’m sure that I got overcharged by at least 1 euro for a loaf of bread and some apples. And now, again because of the frigging Commies, I can’t travel around Nepal at all!

For those who don’t know, Maoists (frigging Nepali Commies) have been a little restless lately. They’ve been trying to overthrow the king and have been shooting and bombing their way into the international spotlight. But I heard that it was safe-ish for tourists, so I convinced my mother to let me go, bought a bus ticket and left, eager to see the Himalayas, beautiful old temples and buy some really cheap souvenirs. I actually got into Nepal…but only spent about 15 minutes there in total. Apparently, the Maoists (frigging Commies) have declared a nationwide strike so there can be no transportation whatsoever on the inter-city roads. People who break this “strike” risk having their bus or car bombed. This strike is set to last 10 days, and my detractors will be happy to learn that I’m not as stupid or reckless as they usually think I am. I could have flown to Kathmandu for $70 or tried to rent a taxi for the ride. But no, I knew that it was too dangerous. So I came back to India and vowed to stay as far away from those frigging Maoists as possible.

I’m starting to think that my mother had something to do with this whole situation. She really wasn’t thrilled with me going to Nepal in the first place, and when she wants to do something, she can be scarily influential and powerful. Maybe she used her Commie connections to make this strike happen so that I couldn’t go to Nepal. Maybe she’s a Commie herself! Actually, now that I think about it, my mom does have some Marxist leaning tendencies. She can be a bit of a Grouch(o) in the morning before her cup of coffee. She has a lot of red clothes in her wardrobe. She likes George W. far too much to be sincere. And frankly, she’s too compassionate to be a capitalist. She not only advised me to give handouts to the Indian beggars but to always try to have spare change available in case I see anyone who needs the money. Any self-respecting conservative would have kicked them away and told them to get a job in a Gap sweatshop, along with the other poor kids. My mother really is a Red. The shame, the shame! Where’s McCarthy when you need him?!

So, like, anyway, now that Nepal is off, I need to find somewhere else to go. I may go over to Sikkim because I’ve heard from my lovely but Liberal (not quite Red, maybe more of a fushia. Or since she’s a Martin-ite, I guess she’d be a pale rose) former roommate Lydia that it’s gorgeous. Otherwise, I may go up to Manali to see the Himalayas and do some paragliding and white water rafting. It’ll be especially fun since I don’t have any health or travel insurance. And since I’m up there, I may stop by Dharamsalah and get the DL on the DL (the down low on the Dalai Lama). I’ve met a number of travelers who got to see him when they were there, so I think it may be fun to go myself. We could commiserate together on the frigging Commies and how they’ve screwed us over. Sure, he’s been wronged a little more than me, but whatev. And then, in only a couple weeks, I need to go back to Mumbai to catch my flight home. I’m excited to go back to my beautiful Canada where I will be safety out of reach of the frigging Commies. Unless I tune into CBC, of course.