I need a hobby

I hate meeting new people because I can't stand small talk. I hate it when someone tries to discuss the weather or politics. But most of all, I hate it when someone asks me what I do for fun.

It's not that I don't have fun -- I do. It's just the honest response would be something like "I go out for sushi a lot." And that's not the type of thing these people want to hear. They're expecting hobbies, and I don't do anything that is small-talk suitable.

So what kinds of things do I do for fun? They fall into three general categories:

1. The ridiculously girly - like going to the ballet, and reading Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice until I've basically committed them to memory.

2. The ridiculously nerdy - like watching Lost and stalking Patrick Stewart.

3. The ridiculous - like budgeting, and going to dangerous countries to have near-death experiences.

Thus I need to lie and pretend like I do interesting stuff. But I have to be careful, because what if they share my hobby, and want to discuss it with me? Such as, if I say that I play basketball, what happens if they ask me what position?

So I'm going to partially lie. I'll say that I collect coins, which isn't totally true, but I do have a lot of change in my purse. Or that I play the Jew's harp, which is technically false, but I like the harp and I'm Jewish.

Or I could be honest and say something like "I judge people". And then I won't have to worry about their reactions to my hobbies, because they'll be too worried what I'm thinking about them.