Best drunken pick-up line ever, heard tonight at the wonderfully skeeze-tastic Phil's Bar:
"Hey, you know that god didn't just give me this tongue to taste food!"
(Accompanied, of course, by a drunken leer). What a catch!
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You ungrateful assholes! I post all the time about things that interest you, like my professors' kinky sex lives, and the one time that I post about something that I like, do you comment? No!! That's gratitude for you. So instead, I'm going to comment myself.
I've written a little sonnet (what else am I going to do in class?) as an ode to Phil's, one of my favourite places in the world. I've never written a sonnet before and am pretty sure that it bites. But iambic pentameter and non-awkward rhymes are for wimps, so here goes!
Ode to Phil's:
Shall I compare thee to another club?
Thou art more abundant in dirt and skeeze,
With grabby men who dance, grind and rub.
But do I want more? Oh yes sir, yes please!
There are girls and guys who're straight, gay and bi.
But if you want true love, you're out of luck,
Though the probability is quite high
That you'll meet someone who'll ask you to...make love.
There's dirt on the floor and walls and the 'loo
There's hot group orgies by the stripper pole
Drinks are are a toony, best in Waterloo
There's no doubt--it's my favourite shit hole!
Wow. That was so bad. Sonnets bite. Next time I'll write in another form. Perhaps avant-garde? Sounds splasherific!
Wow, a real masterpiece! You are definitly missing out on your true calling in life with all this biology stuff. Next time, I suggest to try writing in the anustubh meter though. Anustubh is the basic simple meter of Sanskrit poetry. Very chic. Very now.
My poem was shit, I'm not going to lie.
Yet you complimented it, and I wonder why?
Could it be that you're humouring me?
No, no, I'm brilliant, so it couldn't be!
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